His Timing is Not Your Timing

So somehow, the majority of my issues tend to relate back to him, but this one results in a happy ending, so keep reading.

I was a friendly person as a child. I gave people a hard time, but I made sure to do what they wanted me to do so that they would like me and be my friend, and it worked. Everyone could call on me and I called everyone my friend, but I always wanted a best friend. The fact that I didn’t have one would tear me up on a daily basis because I just felt like everybody had a best friend, except me. I don’t mean just any best friend either, I’m talking about “known each other since we were little, like all of the same things, can finish each other’s sentences, our families are close” type of best friend.

When I got to middle school, I was hurt. Let me tell you why… In 2nd grade, I met a girl, Kacey, that I can honestly say changed my life by changing my perspective. Kacey and I became close friends, and seeing as we were two of the 15 black people in the school, it wasn’t hard. We ended up in a close group of three amongst all the other minority students in the school, but she was the closest to me. I just knew that she was gonna be my person. We met young enough that I felt comfortable saying “we’ve known each other forever” in the future and we spent so much time together that our families knew each other and her family made me feel like I was a part of their family.

When it was time for 6th grade, we went to different schools, and then she moved to Midwest City and it was so hard to keep in touch. Then later in high school, she moved to California; safe to say the friendship fell by the wayside. I had to start over and now, I was at an even bigger disadvantage. I still communicate with Kacey every now and then, but its safe to say she wasn’t going to be the “best friend” that I was looking for.

In middle and high school, I was the floater. You know, that person that gets along with everyone, is involved in a variety of things, and so they just end up knowing everybody? That was me. I was in almost every organization (student council, BSU, NHS, etc.) and hung out with the black, Asian, and white people. But see, the thing about being friends with everybody is, you can’t get too close to anybody, and it didn’t help that my sister had seemed to find a childhood best friend in middle school that was lasting through college. I was jealous.

That was when I met Imani. August of 2008. In my 7th grade Spanish class. She was a grade above me, but she was funny, smart, and black. That was all I needed to start up a conversation with her (this makes more sense if you’re from or live in a predominately white community). I truly felt that it was heaven sent and I finally found the person that was supposed to fulfill the best friend role in my life.

Listen, she lived less than 5 minutes from my house, her mom became my second mom, she reintroduced me to church, she brought me into a world of black culture that I hadn’t been accustomed to, and she got me, I knew this was going to be the one. We would argue, but at the end of the day, that was my sister and I’d defend her to the death of me. There is so much that we both went through together during that time in our lives, but I’m sure you know where this story is going.

Because she was a grade above me, she graduated first, and yes, I cried. She went off to an HBCU in Atlanta and although I tried my hardest, our relationship was never the same. She was one of the people that I enabled to get what I wanted. I always called/texted her, and when she left and I wasn’t hearing from her, I just felt like she no longer cared and our friendship faded as I backed off.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I had long friendships with these people and I still love them to this day, but I wanted that classic friendship, where we’ve known each other all our lives and we get along so well, and well, you know the rest.

I was still a floater my freshman year of college. I thought surely I would find that “best friend” while I was in college. At the beginning of my freshman year, I met Myra and Bella. I thought, “Oh yeah, this is gonna be it,” but it wasn’t. They were closer to each other than me, but I kept trying to no avail. It wasn’t until fall of 2015, that I realized who that person that was meant to be my “best friend.”

I had met Nicole just before the beginning of my first semester at Oklahoma State. We were both in a leadership conference at the University that allowed us to move on campus early, so you know I signed up for it. We were also on an executive board together and towards the end of our freshman year, I started to grow closer to her and her friend group.

I didn’t know at the beginning, but as that fall semester went on, it clicked and I just knew. Anyway, it was during that semester that she confided in me, things that she didn’t feel comfortable telling her group of friends that she had known for so long. Not only that, but she started to break me down, and no one has ever been able to do that.

To call her my best friend is honestly an understatement. We don’t have the childhood memories, but I claim her as a sister. Nicole can take one look at me and know what I’m thinking. She’s been there through some really rough times already, and these four years have felt like a lifetime. She’s probably the only person I can sanely live with, and that includes my mother and sister.

Nicole has listened to me and done things for me that no one else has done before, like throw me a whole surprise party for my 21st. It’s the little things that we do for each other that let me know she’ll be around for life. From picking me up so I don’t walk in the rain (even a 5-minute walk to my car) to sending me good luck texts and scriptures when I need them to finding new ways to surprise me. (If you know me, you know this isn’t easy because I’m such a nosey person, but so is she, so surprising each other is fun.)

Not only that, but she is one of the reasons that you are reading this. She pushes me beyond my comfort zone, shows me that it is okay to be flawed and it is okay to confide in someone. She’s shown me her loyalty, trustworthiness, and sisterhood and I could never thank her enough.

I know, I’m going on and on and you’re probably wondering when it will end and where the lesson is, right?

I learned that I was wanting this lasting relationship because I felt like I didn’t have any relationships like that in my life. Not to say that is completely his fault, but I definitely think his absence made an impact on me wanting (expecting) so much out of a friendship at such a young age.

I also learned, and very recently, that you really have to trust His timing. It won’t be your timing. What He has planned for you is going to be bigger and better than what you can try and plan for yourself. Once you realize that and stop trying to plan out your entire future, only then, will you be able to realize all the blessings He has already given and plans to give you.

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